Not with Mr D – he is still keeping to himself. Nor has Mr Ex suddenly become a sensible person.
I have started chatting to people in Mr D’s language. I have been learning for 3 months now, and I can now have a sensible written conversation. In verbal communication, I am still completely lost, as I demonstrated very successfully today at lunch with a new colleague who has just moved here from his town.
On the other hand I am asking myself why I am carrying on learning this language – things seem so cooled off, the hope that I have that things will turn out all right is getting very small indeed.
I think there are two reasons I am keeping up with this:
- I want to believe that there is an “us”. I admit that the sure feeling I had about this a couple of months ago has diminished into painful defiant hope. Putting time and effort into learning the language is also keeping me busy and my mind occupied, which is a good thing.
- Well – I do believe that I spent time in his country for a reason, whatever the reason is. If it wasn’t him, then I have a heart break ahead of me, but there is something that has touched me about the language and the people that I will treasure for a long time.
So, I’m happily chatting and doing my usual stuff and keeping busy.
On the inside, I am feeling rather torn up.
Not long now.