Does it exist? A lot of adults seem to think that it doesn’t – instead they have certain checklists they go through concerning their hopeful future partner. If the person fulfills the requirements, there is a good chance that the relationship will work out and one can therefore move forward with this love project.
This is not a project, and a person cannot be nailed down into requirements!
This is a person you want to get on with so well that you want to share EVERYTHING with that person. The good and the bad. The beautiful and the horrible. The wonderful and the terrible.
If a checklist of requirements would be all you need, there would be thousands of potential partners in the world for everyone. There are so many wonderful people out there. But that’s not how it works. There is definitely more to love than personality checklists.
In my world, love at first sight does exist. I have experienced it once, and it lead to the biggest lesson of my life, 3 wonderful kids and one lost, and a big bang at the end. In hindsight I should have seen all the red flags – but I chose to ignore them. Whatever. I don’t regret getting into that, on the whole. It’s just very annoying that I will be dealing with this person for a very long time, because of the connection through the kids.
I have also experienced slowly developing love – going from mild interest in the person to raging love which kept burning for a very long time.
At the moment, I am experiencing love at first… contact. This felt very similar to love at first sight, only – completely different. Having met online and not in person at first, there was no physical person to fall in love with. There were a few pictures, but it wasn’t them. He is attractive, that goes without saying, but his pictures were honest pictures and there was something in him in these pictures that made me look again. Then the main component came in – texting and talking. We were getting to know each others’ personalities and ideas without a physical person to map them to, or any pheromones going on or anything else that strikes uncontrollable chords in human beings. Everything I am learning about him makes me want to learn more. I also have a deep desire to show him all of me – even the parts where I am vulnerable and weak. The other thing I noticed was that where with love at first sight there had been red flags which I was actively pushing aside and ignoring, here there are none. There are some things that I think might cause a bit of a ruffle from time to time, but nothing dangerous. Nothing I don’t want to have. If I had a checklist, he would tick all the boxes and a few more.
All this is also a bit scary. It feels a bit like having planned a big trip, I am now actually on my way. And now that there is no turning back, I am asking myself if I have really thought of everything, and whether this is really a good idea. It feels like something very new is happening – good, but definitely new and off my beaten path.