I’m terrible at putting my feelings into words, no matter which language. But I tried, and tried again, and eventually, something resembling sense came out.
Y knows now that I want more than an “enjoying the moment” relationship with him. He knows that I want to share life with him, because of the person he is. He also knows that I’m broody, and that all barriers I had in that respect – being scared of starting over, sleepless nights, organising work around family and all that – have disappeared over the course of the last few months. He knows how much I value the time we’ve spent together so far. He knows that I feel he has helped me understand that it’s possible to feel totally comfortable with somebody. Comfortable enough to stop sucking in your belly fat. He knows that as I’ve been getting to know him better and better, I’ve discovered more and more precious parts of his personality. I haven’t found anything that has turned me off, or that has become boring over time.
I still know considerably less in that respect. I did rather bulldozer into our calm and cuddly as usual time together with this today, and I wasn’t expecting a full answer. At least I know that he’s not running away scared. He wanted to know whether I felt I have been wasting time with him. He also wanted to know whether we need to change anything between us immediately.
We don’t. I just needed him to know that I’m in for a shared future, and that I’m ready for that now. I told him that I need to know from him whether he wants any of that. If he doesn’t, I would indeed be wasting my time from that point onward. If he does, let’s see how we make it happen. ❤️
Now I’m going to switch off from that and just give him time. Maybe I’ll have to increase my yoga, and listen to a lot of Bach to switch off properly. I’m proud of myself for talking about this today. I nearly postponed it, but then pulled myself together after all. And I nearly managed to say everything I was going to say, though it didn’t turn out as eloquently as I had intended.