I was sitting at a table in a café with the rain pouring down outside today, right next to a family with a baby. It was obviously the young couple’s first baby, and they were there with the dad’s parents and probably an uncle. I guessed that because of the distribution of languages being spoken. This little baby was being showered with so much love, both from his grandmother and his parents. It was lovely to see. There wasn’t one moment that he wasn’t in the centre of their doting, glowing attention.
I dropped my eldest off at scouts camp today. Just as I was leaving, I saw him in a circle of friends, one of them, in a conversation and looking happy. He’s come a long way since he joined a year ago. Even half a year ago he loved going, but I always saw him apart from the main group, often alone and behaving quite awkwardly. Now he seems comfortable, more outgoing and, as I said, happy.
Well that makes a lot of sense, and it helps put things into perspective by offering a really simple model to think in.
It’s a little too simple in my opinion. People change. Life changes. Situations come up, and people react to them in their individual way. They may not have anything to do with the relationship, but they may very well reflect back on the relationship and the type of attachment that a person is capable of as a reaction to an external situation.
For myself, I would say I’m the secure type most of the time. I’m comfortable with being close, trust is something I give without asking, and I feel at ease with just about anything if I know that the other person feels the same way and if I am sure that what we want is aligned.
If something starts swinging out of place, I am fully capable of swinging into the space of the anxious type, anxiously looking to restore harmony, which is a downward spiral right from the start. It’s hard to get out of.
I can even go into avoidance if I feel that the other person cannot or will not be with me and support me as I would want them to in the face of a certain difficult external situation.
With this model in mind, it might be easier to see the warning signs before anything goes dramatically wrong and simply start clear and open communication instead of swinging any further into the damaging spectrum, bringing things back in to the secure region very quickly. Alternatively, maybe all that is required sometimes is a walk alone, meditation, yoga, a run, or whatever else brings inner peace and the ability to see things from a relaxed perspective.
The peace and quiet when everyone has left the office, and I can get to work finally, is great. I love the concentration that sets in then. That’s the time that I get things done.
My Grandpa is out of hospital and back in his own home!
He fell two weeks ago, and had been at hospital since then. We need a solution for helping him – he is not really able to do everything himself anymore, because his strength is failing him, but he doesn’t want anybody “looking after” him. But for now, he is home, as he said he would be. To quote him, he “had no intention of settling down in hospital like a cat”.
He’s a wonderful person!
The warm late-summer wind in my face and flowing over my shoulders today, cycling through the town towards the pink glow of the setting sun – that was my little moment today.
I can’t decide what I liked best about today.
Running with my friend first thing this morning after such a long time and nattering away all the way round was wonderful, refreshing, fun and much needed.
Feeling wonderfully elated after my new bicycle commute each way is a spectacular way to start and end the office day, especially on a sunny day like this one was.
And finally, the sunset today was magnificent, and made me stop the car and wander out into the fields a little, just to take in the beauty (and to take some pictures…) of the lit up, fiery sky against a field of purple flowers.
Is this it? Is this the life I’m leading? Is there no way out of the endless useless work that does nothing to improve the world, sitting there in stupidity, dealing with petty problems? Where’s the meaningfulness? Can I carry on like this, on my own, for another 6-8 years, until this week on / week off farce is finally over?
Cycling through the dark city after a long day of sitting at my desk was just what I needed to give today some sense.
Today I left the pressure of the mess that is home that has gathered over the last few days, and took the time to take the boys to a open day at some stables, and after the kids had been picked up, I took myself for my long weekend run in the light of the setting sun.
Although both the boys were a bit grumpy at this stables (until I got them a crêpe…), I enjoyed the atmosphere. One horse was particularly cuddly and kept resting her head against my chest while I whispered nonsense into her ear. I love the calm that horses can share.
The boys perked up when we spotted a horse having some new irons fitted (ouch!), so all in all, we spent a lovely afternoon together with lots of late summer sunshine.